Why Do I Feel Like I’m Not Good Enough?

Even the quietest hearts carry heavy feelings — and none of it makes you less worthy of love or care.

What If Unworthiness Isn’t Who You Are — But a Wounded Part Asking for Care?

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, it’s still not enough? Like there’s a voice inside saying:

“You’re not good enough.”

“You don’t deserve love.”

“Something is wrong with you.”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

These feelings of unworthiness are some of the deepest, most common struggles many people carry — often without knowing why.

You try hard. You show up. You give your best — and yet, deep down, a voice whispers:

“You’re still not enough.”

“You don’t matter.”

“Something is wrong with you.”

If this resonates, you are not alone. The feeling of not being good enough is one of the quietest — and most painful — burdens many people carry. And often, it's rooted in something deeper: unseen trauma (van der Kolk, 2014).

Where Does the “Not Good Enough” Feeling Come From?

That ache didn’t come from nowhere. Often, the belief that we’re not enough starts early:

• Environments where love felt conditional

• Moments when we were shamed, ignored, or compared

• Families that were emotionally distant or critical

Even if no one said the words, the message might have been clear: You’re too much. You’re not enough. You’re the problem.

These early wounds — especially if unspoken — shape the beliefs we carry into adulthood. They are not flaws. They are trauma echoes (Fisher, 2017).

How Trauma Impacts Your Self-Worth

When a child experiences pain they don’t know how to process, their nervous system finds ways to cope. One common pattern?

Blame yourself.

Rather than seeing the environment as unsafe, the child thinks: “It must be me.” This is not because you were broken. It’s because you were adaptively protecting yourself (Levine, 2010). But the belief can last long after the danger is gone — whispering into careers, relationships, parenting, even therapy.

Trauma changes how we see ourselves — especially when no one helped us name it (van der Kolk, 2014).

What the Inner Critic Sounds Like

That “not good enough” feeling often shows up in how we talk to ourselves:

“You’re too emotional.”

“You’ll never be successful.”

“You don’t deserve love unless you earn it.”

This inner critic isn’t you. It’s a survival part, shaped by old pain (Schwartz, 2021).

Healing Begins With Connecting to Your Core Self

Frank Anderson (2019) teaches that healing grows from connecting to your Self energy — the calm, compassionate, curious core inside you. This Self is naturally wise and nurturing.

When the inner critic or painful parts arise, inviting them to unblend (step back) can help you respond from this compassionate Self, rather than from fear or blame. This is a powerful shift toward healing.

How to Start Healing Low Self-Worth

The voice that says you’re not good enough isn’t your truth. It’s your trauma — and it can be healed.

Here are gentle first steps:

• Practice Self-Compassion

  What if you spoke to yourself the way you would a struggling child? When the critic shouts, whisper: “You’re doing your best” (Neff, 2011).

• Understand the Roots

  Learning how trauma shaped your beliefs helps shift the narrative from “I’m broken” to “I was hurt — and I adapted” (Brown, 2010).

• Invite Your Parts Into Healing

  Rather than pushing painful feelings away, invite them to share their pain safely. Your core Self can hold them with kindness and curiosity (Anderson, 2019; Schwartz, 2021).

• Seek Safe Connection

  Supportive therapy, friendships, and spaces that honor your story can help you feel seen — and remind you of your inherent worth (Fisher, 2017).

• Ground in the Body

  Healing isn’t just mental. It’s physical. Mindfulness and somatic practices can help you notice when shame floods your system — and create new safety (van der Kolk, 2014; Levine, 2010).

Letting Go of the “Not Good Enough” Story — With Compassion

You weren’t born doubting your worth. That story was given to you. And now, slowly, with your compassionate Self leading the way, you get to rewrite it — inviting all your parts along, not rushing or forcing, but healing in their time (Anderson, 2019).

You get to write a new story: one where your worth is not earned — it’s remembered.

You Are Not Broken — You Are Healing

If you feel like you’re not good enough, it doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It means you were wounded — likely without the support you needed.

But wounds can heal. And healing doesn’t mean “fixing” you — it means reconnecting with the part of you that always knew you were enough.

You are not too much. You are not behind. You are not broken.

You are brave for even reading this. And you don’t have to carry this alone.

Want to Go Deeper?

If this resonated with you, you may find comfort in exploring our upcoming Trauma and Healing series (stay tuned for Part 1: Feeling Broken Inside — But Don’t Know Why?), or you can contact  Liberated Mind Therapy for compassionate support.

If you’re in crisis, please call a crisis hotline or mental health professional near you. For those in Simcoe County, you can reach CMHA’s 24/7 Crisis Line at 1-888-893-8333. You are not alone.

Resources on Healing Self-Worth and Trauma:

• Kristin Neff – Self-Compassion (book + free meditations)

  Offers gentle guidance for treating yourself with the warmth and kindness you may have always longed for.

• Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection

  Encourages you to embrace your full humanity — not perfection — with courage and compassion.

• Bessel van der Kolk – The Body Keeps the Score

  Helps you understand how trauma lives in the body — and how healing can begin from within.

• Peter Levine – In an Unspoken Voice

  Guides you in listening to the body’s quiet story — and finding pathways to restore safety.

• Janina Fisher – Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors

  Invites you to meet your inner parts with tenderness, curiosity, and care.

• Frank Anderson – Transcending Trauma

  Explores how healing unfolds through Self-energy and compassionate presence.

• Richard Schwartz – No Bad Parts

  Welcomes you into the Internal Family Systems approach, where every part of you is valued.

References

Anderson, F. (2019). Transcending trauma: Cultivating the compassionate self. Routledge.

Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.

Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: Overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge.

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the internal family systems model. Sounds True.

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.